The great North & South Divide

The title may seem to be misleading, especially given the fact that many parts of India are busy dividing themselves over local languages! But this is what I have been musing over the past few days. Having lived in many parts (regions) of our country, there are strong similarities as well as striking differences. One of the most stark differences is what I would like to pen down in this piece. 

Being a part of 'seva dal' - volunteer from Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organisation, I take part in some seva work on and off and can see societies across our country, albeit in a small way. One thing that stands out is the way elders (parents, grandparents, general older people) are taken care by the North Indians over the other parts of the country, especially South. I find that elders are taken care of by their own children in North India much more than in the South of India. My feeling is also backed by the fact that, overall, there are fewer old-age homes and retirement communities in Northern India. 

According to our dear friend Google 'The southern part of India is leading the way in senior housing. Reports suggest that 68% of new senior living projects are in South India, with cities like Bengaluru, Chennai, Coimbatore, Hyderabad, and Kochi emerging as major hubs. In comparison: North India has 11% of projects.'

In South India we find a lot of old age homes, large sprawling complexes where seniors live with assistance given by strangers - at a cost. It is a great arrangement, especially as more and more parents are living alone - either by choice or otherwise. I also secretly want to invest in such a home, knowing well that the grey years will be comfortable, with help around.

Yet, why did the South feel the need much before the North? I guess (not backed by any data), that many children from the South started migrating outside India in search of greener pastures, and never returned to the greyer pastures, forcing someone to take this up as a lucrative business cum social service model. The houses in senior living sold out faster than expected, offering everything that retired people need. A sense of security (with similar people around), someone to take care of everyday meals (after all, who wants to to get into the drudgery of everyday cooking after a certain age), medical assistance at your door step and finally the most important thing - someone to talk to, spend some time spending what you could never do all your life and all this in good cheer! It was a win-win situation for everyone; the builders got their moolah, the children felt less guilty of leaving their parents alone, the parents had the dignity of staying in an upscale society and not the dreaded 'old age home'. 

In the name of independence, 'giving their space' and not being a burden on anybody the Southern part of the country boasts of many senior living arrangements. Travel up North and although it is not an uncommon sight to see some elders living by themselves, it is not a 'trend'! I am amazed to see many joint families living under one roof even now. Not only the parents and their children with families but also some close relatives. They laugh, they squabble, they backbite & gossip about each other but 'leaving the house' is never a ready-made option for most of them. In some of the camps, I am touched to see boys managing their old parents, wife and kids for basic check-ups and putting themselves last. A true 'Sravan Kumar' in my eyes.  

My own gym instructor was a perfect example of this - he would work from 5 am to 10 pm with a few hours of break in between. The break would always be for his family errands, especially his parents and extended family, all with a smile. "Aakhir, mey to unke wajeh se hi idhar hun" he would say - meaning I am here only because of my parents. There are a few other people whom I have met who are forced to stay away from their roots, due to the nature of their job, but every day they would call their parents to check on them, no matter that they have occupied the highest chair in their organisation and have hundreds of people vying for their attention. 

This makes me wonder whether, in the name of independence and setting them free, some parts of our country have weakened the great Indian family fabric into a weak thread. I know some of you are already thinking that this post is so 'retrograde', after all, who in this 21st century stays with their parents?! All we care about is my spouse, my life, my kids, my job, my house, my trips, and my well-being ( the mental health squad is ready with the next reel on prioritising yourself over others). 

I will be honest, I myself find it difficult to 'adjust', but if not for a little bending, mending and attending to elders, how can I  be malleable and ductile? I  may become as rigid as a cement block in this 'I, me, myself world' and does that make me 'humane'? 

While I make myself more malleable & ductile (and also keep looking for our retirement home) you please ponder over this and write in the comments what your thoughts are on this. Is the North vs South divide real or a figment of my imagination? Resemblance to any person or situation you know is purely a figment of your imagination!!