Musings

Thank you..

2011-12-26T15:11:00.005+05:30

A very common sight that always tugs my heart is the side walks around any swimming pool where parents watch over their little ones learning swimming. I guess it takes tremendous patience and more importantly love to be there day after day, supporting, chiding and encouraging their children not to give up. My rough estimate is that over 90% of the parents do not know to swim(especially the mothers), yet the way they encourage the off-spring to learn it is truly astounding :)

Which incidentally brings me to the concept of 'support' and how important it is for each one of us, as we try to swim along the tides of life. No matter, what kind of tide we are facing, it is heartening to see someone on the side walks trying to wave out to us and say "Go on, you can do it!" Advices come aplenty (since they are mostly given free of cost!), however I have started really appreciating people spending time and advising, I find great hidden 'support' in the exercise.

So here's to all of you who have been a great shoulder in this rather difficult year for me. 'Thank you' so much for being there in various forms - be it mails, messages or Face Book likes or updates, phone calls or BBM messenger and finally even that simple yet deep look that said "Go on, dont give up!"

Cant thank enough that you are a part of my life..Thanks for making 2011 memorable. Please continue to be a part of my support system year after year!

The real address of Love

2011-09-11T17:58:00.005+05:30

It was a rare relaxed Sunday evening when hubby & I were taking a nice walk along a lake near where we stay. What a sight! Lovely weather, families out on their Sunday outing, groups of friends playing pranks and posing for group photos, so many young boys and girls (called couples in our world!) cuddling in the sylvan shelters of the trees along the lake, far from the madding crowds. It seemed like a perfect world. Love, caring and sharing all available at one place.

If there is so much love energy why do people still hate, separate, abuse each other? Wondered my mind. Over the years of association with people around us, some of the relationships fade in to infinity, some are safely and conveniently kept away, some tag along as 'devoted followers' (generally most love to have a following that does not question our ability!), some seasonal 'coming and going' types and finally some who are sealed with us for life!

So what are the different shapes and shades that 'Love' takes over years with association with the same people? I see it in the form of trust and confidence in long distance relationships where we are away from someone we love for more than one reason! I see it in that ONE glance that conveys it all. I feel it in the voice of parents who long to listen to their off-spring now away. I sense it in that one liner call / message from someone who wants to know "If you are ok!". Most of all, lately I see it in hospitals. Gross as it may sound, I am convinced that is where it most obviously resides.

The very word of 'Hospital' brings forth generally a negative feeling of medicines, doctors, displeasing smell, blood and bills! However, beyond all this you can see deep love and caring, in each husband holding the hand of a weak wife, in a wife talking to a husband dying with brain tumor and assuring that all will be well, in children nursing their old parents, in friends taking turns to give company to their friend who is nursing some relative. Rest assured! Only the ones who really matter will take time out and be there.

So no matter one may have hundreds of 'contacts' or 'friends' on social networking sites or phone address books, the ones that really love you are the ones accompanying you to a depressing place like a Hospital! Investing our time in such relationships will be much better than the seasonal ones :)

Of Fish & Chips

2011-06-09T21:07:00.004+05:30

Sometimes we tend to just drift away in to the past tense without realizing and I am seem to be in that mode today. Thoughts go back to some wonderful days spent in Henley-on-Thames in United Kingdom. One of the first things that struck me was about the difference in food habits from India. Fish and Chips being the first to catch my attention. What a strange combination of eating fish with chips! But over time I realized it was quite a staple and accepted snack there.

Years have rolled by from then and I have hardly seen any Fish & Chips stall in India even now. However, closer home there is a favorite shop of 'Hot Chips' which is frequented by better half to get his regular quota of munchies. I happened to notice a fish seller sitting close to this shop and the smell / aroma /stink (whatever we feel towards fish) often happens to waft the breeze and kind of overpowering the freshly fried chips. Strange, I thought that these two completely different fragrances blended without the slightest strangeness in it.

Feeling a bit intrigued how these two shopkeepers could get along so well, I did probe(completely womanish you may label!) if there were no 'acceptance problems' with any of them. One owner being a hard core vegetarian (yes, in many parts of India fish is considered non-vegetarian) and the fish seller who could not probably sleep without the smell of fish around. Interestingly, both of them detested each others presence from the word 'Go', for obvious reasons! Each day they found (created) a reason to fight with one another. What changed the equations then? was my obvious next question.

Well, well, the rains in July 26 2007 when Mumbai came to a virtual stand still, their lives changed completely. In the rage of the rains, in the need for survival against all odds each one helped another in saving not only their lives but also their 'hard earned' money for the day. Not only that the pure vegetarian owner of the Hot Chips offered to his fish seller neighbour to give shelter to his prized catch of fresh fish and stored them along with his chips!

I am entirely convinced that disasters have a hidden message from the universe that we otherwise fail to learn. The theories we profess all the time are tested and verified when disaster strikes! Many a times we try and find issues with people around us and convince ourselves that their behaviour upsets us! The fact of the matter very often being that as much as we are trying to change others, they are also doing the same - trying to change us!

If we are wise enough to realize these differences and live with it, our daily life will be a joyous picnic every minute. If not we will have to wait for a disaster to strike to experience 'unity in diversity'.

What would you like? Fish & Chips to begin with? :)

Lost & Forlorn

2011-05-18T18:36:00.004+05:30

It is all about getting used to your presence, day in and day out. How lost I am now that you have decided to stay out of my life for some time! I have heard may be a thousand times over that we need to be the masters of our lives and not give in to dependency on any one, emotionally or otherwise. But how does one stay away from the 'attachment trap'?

Your coming home everyday at the same time is almost taken for granted. I take pride of you when the others cringe about what they have in their lives. I have secretly even thanked my stars and the Lord for getting us together in this life.

Your spick and span look, no-nonsense attitude and at the same time the caring outlook has many a times left me asking me for more. I wait with baited breath for you to return home soon. Your deft fingers have worked like a charm for so many years and I am sure no one else can create the magic that you do!

In the mean while I must attend to chores at home needing my attention now that you are not there to take care of them. Sincerely and desperately missing you, my bai, my domestic help, my everyday angel..Shobha.

The Globalized Local Indian

2011-01-05T20:08:00.006+05:30

We have entered yet another decade and it is quite interesting to see how we the people of India are taking everything in our stride and march ahead (be it morcha or marathon!)

December is the time when many migratory birds (err..people) come back to India to spend "quality time" with their near and dear ones. Being a part of a global family is now a accepted norm of life at least in the metros (may be true for all of Andhra Pradesh considering the number of people going abroad from there). It is quite heartening to see these globalized Indians give up their comfortable life and experience the life in India to feel one with their roots.

One such incident is when a friend of mine was trying to get his daughter learn the "Indian Potty Posture". I can never forget the sight of him sitting behind his little daughter in the loo and teaching her! It is a warm sight to see global Indians teaching local culture, values to their children and also relocate to India to "feel her" better.

At a time when the "cream" of Indians who have lived a good part of their lives abroad come back to experience the culture here, we are busy fighting over localization and language issues.

I feel quite embarassed and "uncool" when day after day we have issues of local rights being presented to us. I can never understand the nature of us humans, first wanting to unite everything under the pretext of being "One" and then keep asking to be divided as we dont feel one with anyone!

Whether the truly educated Indian will live to see local days or global days only time will tell. Whether the colleges teach English in Marathi (it's true) only our maturity will tell. Whether the global parents teach their children that India is a great country or a living hell on earth only our attitudes will tell..

Never noticed when you grew up...

2010-08-13T20:34:00.003+05:30

Let me admit the impression I have of my mother is still the the person who struggles with handling the mobile phone, no interest in knowing how the computer works, happy with handling things her way than how "modern" Mom's do. I secretly still wonder if Mom understands what a "gay" means! Yet she is someone who wants to be abreast with the latest happenings more in the people around her rather than the world at large!

However, she does pleasantly surprise me often times when she uses fancy words like "download", "sent sms" or questions to someone like "which state in the US does your child stay in?" leaving me in a state of wonderment on how did she ever get to know the states of USA! Somewhere I can see that even our parents grow even after we have outgrown from their lives. There is a sense of pride in every recent thing my parents know and I am beaming with the feeling "Not bad!"

I feel the same towards my dear Mother India today as we stand on the threshold of 63 years of independence. All said and done however shabby we are to the world in basic things, we have achieved tremendous growth which gets overshadowed by a few events or a few people all the time. If you closely observe most of the sectors have fared so well that I am beaming again "Not bad!".

There was a time about 15 years ago when in Singapore I would wonder if people in India will even get to know how a cell phone would look. I am glad my fears are totally unfounded as we can see the largest growth of cell phone industry in India with it being classified as the most basic need as of today! (That reminds me, I need to call my maid for something..)

To know how much India has grown in the last decade (being insiders we tend to take everything for granted) do look around and speak to some people who have relocated back to India after a few years. They find everything so new and so different from the time they left, there is no doubt we have changed. The last I heard was about normal schools having sick bays for children so that they could sleep. When did we hear of such things few years back? :)

This song is a befitting end to what I feel towards India! Proud to be Indian..Happy Independence day to all my fellow Indians.

It is a one way...

2010-06-28T15:17:00.002+05:30

It was yet another not-so-good decision I took the other day ( I am getting better at taking bad decisions with age!) by deciding to drop my niece at a peak hour. Considering the fact that we stay just 15 minutes apart, I never envisaged it would take more than an hour to get there. No sooner we hit the road I knew it was the worst time to get out. I looked at the road going back home longingly and even that was packed, bumper to bumper. No choice but to just continue on the road ahead that did not look inviting at all. One bad decision and I paid for it by spoiling the rest of the evening.

The only good thing that happened was probably this thought the same principle applies to decisions made in life too. It is really a one way. Once a start has been made in a particular way you have no choice but to continue on the course, there are no 'U' turns on the roads of life. One may take detours, change the roads but never can we get back what is lost in terms of time, relationships whatever may be the case.

Finally we will really convince ourselves and a huge bandwagon of people around you who will vouch that 'All that happens is for the best' , 'It is destiny' etc but deep within I am not convinced that it is. It truly is a one way, you can either make it a run way to surge ahead or run away from the responsibility of deciding for yourself!

The lost nest

2010-04-16T23:03:00.002+05:30

As a onslaught of the construction industry the green cover opposite our flat has been fully razed to the ground. A once upon a time "cynosure of all eyes" is another construction site now with the regular mud & grime taking the toll on us. No more lazy times sitting by the window sipping tea, watching the brilliant tree cover with a blank mind. Soon there would be houses, people who may peep in to our house or worse still, start predicting the time table of our lives!

In all this transition the worst hit creatures seem to be the birds that used to frequent the trees making their homes in the sylvan surroundings. It used to be a matter of pride to be sitting near the window and see a variety of rare birds from home. Now all I can see is a desperate search by some birds trying to find their once comfortable nest; all gone by a single stroke powered by the quest of money.

As some of my close pals come on their annual visit "to India" (it never stops amazing me how we refer to home as "India" no sooner we are out of it) I can feel deep pangs of loneliness in them too. What once was their kingdom is no more the same. The siblings are busy in their own lives, parents happy that the children are back but secretly waiting for their peaceful lives to return. Friends who once spent days with each other now suddenly look at their appointments and can spare time only for "lunch on Sunday"!.

Makes the "India" visitors wonder what was it that they were so excited about before taking the trip! Months of planning, buying gifts for all & sundry (not forgetting the ex-maid's child!), spending anxious hours packing trying to fit the world in to the allotted baggage..all this and more loses it's fizz no sooner they land. Everyone "moves on" in life but when the reality of this hits you, it does not sound as fancy I suppose.

It is only when they start talking in the past tense "in earlier days.." types that I realize it is another case of someone trying to find the lost nest...

Open source or licensed?

2010-02-24T21:53:00.002+05:30

The world of software is interesting, for every software need of yours there are fundamentally 2 questions. Do you need open source or licensed? For the uninitiated in this world let me spell it out. Open source means free for use by the whole world and licensed means of course paying for what you need. For every licensed software there is at least an equivalent if not better flavor of free software available. Which makes me wonder who buys licensed software at all? When all & sundry is available for free who will pay for it? The truth is unnerving. There is a huge market for licensed software! Wonder of wonders a whole world out there which is not even aware of on the house freebees available.

I am tempted to apply this logic of open source versus licensed to the world today. I believe when the universe was created the development of it was free for all. One made rules just for themselves and stuck to it. Responsibility is one of the key things in open source software. If it is free for use, one takes responsibility for its maintenance & upgradaing it too! There are no written rules but it is all a part of the game and well accepted & understood. Some smart Alec somewhere decided to create countries and divided the whole world based on the license of “language” and “culture”. The result is very well seen by all of us by the use of these so called licenses. Not only are wars being fought amongst countries but also within a single country so many fights over a mode of communication! Absurdity at its best. Can someone see beyond these licenses and realize that these are all manmade? Unfortunately more and more we are getting caught in this language division web.

Relationships are another aspect that have suffered in this licensing game. With no “mine” and “thine” earlier, people had more of a “heartificial” relationship. Off late though there is more “artificial” relating. Humans created licensed marriage alright, but never stopped looking after getting married. The result is more extra marital affairs or strangers staying under a roof just because they have a license. Well, don’t get me wrong I am not professing for extra marital affairs but just wondering why they exist in the first place. Binding / forcing is the root- cause I suppose. May be I am wrong, I hope I am!

Due to these legal bindings we have courts full of warring couples who spend prime years of their lives fighting over proving the other person wrong. Imagine a free world where people lived responsibly and did not feel the necessity to belittle the other? Thanks to all this the Television industry is thriving fueling the already agitated minds with more stories to make the mind restless & eternally doubting the intentions of people around you :)

All in all I feel like going up to the guys creating more barriers in this world and showing them the open source world. It would be as good as a road without signals or traffic police. People would drive responsibly without overtaking the other. May be I am asking too much! But also may be it is time the buck needs to stop somewhere and let it start with me...

Watta joke!

2009-12-29T23:24:00.006+05:30

It was the end of a tiring weekend and I was at the end of my wits. All set to go home after a training session and of all the things I could not find my footwear! After a desperate search I burst out in to my famous non-stop laughter. Reason? I remembered the infectious line "What a joke!". The moment I thought about the scenario and said "what a joke" the whole desperation to find my missing footwear disappeared in to thin air. Laughingly I did find it after 10 mins but the whole "search pattern" changed in a moment. From minutes of frustration in to minutes of uncontrolled laughter.

I know by now you too must be thinking "What a joke" this blog update is about. So let me get serious about joking :) The next time you are confronted with a serious situation, step back a few steps (mentally ofcourse) and just say loud this mantra. You would know what I mean. We tend to think of ourselves and situations so grimly, that we often forget that all this is a part of cosmic joke called life. "Life is a tragedy in close up and a comedy from a long shot" said the best comic character you & I know..Charlie Chaplin. Our so called "big" issues of life are in reality a miniscule or may be less in the whole wide world and there is no doubt whatsoever in that. It is the lens that we wear to look at them that make them big or small.

When we look back on serious times in our lives, they tend to make us laugh at our stupidity & funnily we tend to think of happy times with tears in our eyes. I could never understand this logic. Whatever may be the logic, I wish you too do look back at happy times with tears of joy more than turning back to look at sour times. As we begin to wish 2009 a good-bye let us look at the year and say "What a joke!" to all the disappointments and congratulate ourselves for getting ahead of them.

Keep joking, keep laughing and keep the tears of joy right there:)

(In) Secure zone

2009-11-25T20:25:00.005+05:30

Few weeks back there was a burglary in our well guarded society. After all the postmortem it was concluded that the security guards are very over worked and tired. Hence after 3 a.m they tend to get slack and fall prey to the over powering sleep. Soon after the robbery security was stepped up and one guy was made to sit (my sympathies with him) in front of the house that was robbed. It seemed rather funny why that action was taken when the deed was already done.

Soon out of boredom of sitting in front of the empty house the guard was again overpowered by sleep :) He was sacked the next day. My heart goes out to the hard working Gurkha who used to earn a few hundred rupees after spending hours doing something absolutely uninteresting & killing his otherwise healthy spirit. The diktat was changed after 2 weeks and all is back to normal now hoping that the robbers find a better society to enter and not ours!

Ditto to how our country operates. Now that 26/11 is here we talk of slack security measures and the blame game goes on & on. Never do we think about the working conditions of the security personnel. They spend days & nights doing something which a normal person cant think of doing even for an hour. Most of the wives of the security guards spend their lives in loneliness because their husbands are busy guarding someone /something else funnily to ensure their lives are financially secure.

As my husband prepares to go for yet another patrolling duty for the next few days I can only hope that, people realize there are thousands of them out there without the luxury of few hours sleep in the night ensuring that the rest of the world sleeps (in ignorance & in reality!).

Diwali bumper (to bumper)

2009-10-19T21:41:00.003+05:30

So it is time of the year again when most Indians in India or outside would have celebrated the festival of lights with much gusto. Not different with me too, had a nice time first preparing for the festival and then savouring the time ( & goodies) spent with close family members.

I had a interesting drive (or atleast I believe I was driving) one day before the festival began. A distance of an hour from my home took close to 2.5 hours and needless to say it had it's own funny as well as frustrating moments ; with minimal movements. The first 20 minutes went like a breeze where I was cruising at almost 100 kmph on the highway and then suddenly like life stops moving for some time; I was stuck for almost half an hour on a flyover. Forget flying, one could not even walk with the number of vehicles occupying every space.

Being a lady driver in India is an interesting experience. Every passing vehicle with a male driver will swear by a lady driver in front. The jam on the fly over was no different with people behind me probably accelerating their prayers if not the car accelerator, hoping I dont slide backwards being on an upward slope. Much to their relief and much to the disappointment of the men drivers on my either side (who were ready with advice) I passed this test with flying colours!

Next turn, bigger cacophony but on straight road. It never moved for eons. Finally a small indication to move and my phone beeps. My niece on a SOS call as one of their Diwali sweet is not turning out as expected! I was imagining my obituary coming the next day "In deep remembrance of the lady who died in a car accident while giving a recipe on cell phone while driving!" Thankfully this too is dealt with thanks to the loudspeaker & slow moving traffic.

Finally all clear and I am zooming ahead when I hear the FM jockey announcing numbers for a Tambola game and if my phone number had any of the 2 numbers, I could win a set of diamond ear-rings! I could not believe myself when I went alongside and parked for a moment to message the radio guys. My happiness was short lived when a police guy came knocking saying I was not allowed to park there. Damn! There I just missed hearing the phone number again.

At last I reached the Diwali Mela for which I was more than 2 hours late, the ever re-assuring presence of my hubby was enough to put the ordeal behind me as soon as I saw him! All in all a great experience in balancing the wheel & forgetting the troublesome traffic on reaching the destination. I hope it is the same for all aspects of life; the destination be worth every pain!

Strong bridges?

2009-08-03T16:46:00.006+05:30

Building bridges is the in thing in India at this point in time. One can see construction happening at the most unexpected of places. “Fly over” is a relatively over used term. Now we have more fancy words like “express fly over” , "elevated bridge” ,” mono rail bridge”, “ metro rail bridge “ and may be a few more about which I have not yet updated myself.

How a 60 year old country can keep her infrastructure projects alive and kicking even after so many years is a wonder in itself. Months after months we have new development projects being kicked off, whether they see the light of the day is a question in itself. Yet what amuses me is when can we safely pass on to “maintenance” stage and get over with development of basic necessities.

One other classic behavior of Indians is to build important transport points far apart and then wonder how to connect them. We build airports so far from the basic commutation like trains & buses and then start projects to connect each of these. Funny as it may seem, it is like getting a printed circuit board without the circuit in place.

Let me not crib more about our (wonderful) systems and talk about something which is a pleasant outcome of this exercise. As most of you may know the the Bandra- Worli sea link in Mumbai is a recent marvel which even I could marvel at close quarters. It is simply a wonderful experience to zoom across on top of the sea with the waves lashing below you. A typical travel time of almost an hour or more has been reduced to a mere fifteen minute memorable drive (of course for which you need to pay, but being the commercial capital of India, I am sure most Mumbaikar’s don’t mind it!).

After this wonderful ride and me raving about it to all my near ones, I got the jolt of my life the next day. I heard a friend had not visited his brother living across in another part of the city for a full three (YES THREE) years. And to think, just one bridge separated their homes. Really made me think what type of bridges do we need more urgently? The one connecting roads or hearts? No wonder so many pillars are coming crashing down, we need to get the basics right in any case!

The great Indian appearing act

2009-04-22T15:41:00.000+05:30

The welcome in to my office parking lot every morning would be very warm. As I park my car a familiar hand would wave from far “Good morning Madam”. Smiling at him and also acknowledging my good luck I would think “What a nice cleaner guy, every morning without fail greeting me inspite of me not availing his service”.

After several months I decided to employ him to clean our car. Needless to say he was elated to hear my decision. “Sure Madam, I will clean your car every day except weekends”. Happy that I finally had someone to clean it regularly unlike the previous one at home who appeared at his will, I agreed to the “no cleaning on weekend” condition. “Madam, I will start from Monday but I need advance”, was his next statement. It was like a thunderbolt for me, paying advance for something which had not even started. “Yes, people here leave jobs and go off without paying me so I have started taking full advance”. Wow! I thought this is planning, risk mitigation at it’s best. Wondered how many project managers parking their cars there analyzed so deeply even for their projects. I too agreed to give him the advance, being convinced by his rationale, but paid him only 90% of the agreed amount.

Imagine my state when the following days I never saw this guy for couple of weeks. The wiper would be in standing position announcing that the cleaning was done but not once I could spot this guy. Finally I had to send a word looking for him & asking him to clean from inside. This was also an agreed condition “Inside cleaning once in a week”. The friendly good morning was no where to be seen once his role changed from probable candidate to employee. Again after some days he started appearing again “Madam, balance”.

I have started believing that these characteristics are inherent in the Indian genre. When you see familiar promises being doled out by the politicians before elections one cannot but think “Are we really so stupid to believe all the promises”. But do we have a choice in electing some party that is intelligent? The next time around they will be back reminding me of the cleaner saying “Madam ,balance”, unless of course I take the responsibility of cleaning my car. So the big question is will we ever be ready to take responsibility for our country?

Look at my Gold cup

2009-02-03T15:46:00.000+05:30

It is time where we are hearing about medals and accolades coming in for India in more than one way. Sania Mirza and Mahesh Bhupati winning a grand slam, Yuvi Bhambri for his junior title in tennis, A. R Rehman ofcourse getting all the praise for his music in Slumdog millionaire. Proud moments . I feel proud of them despite of all the possible obstacles that we see in India they have made a mark for themselves in the world. Fabulous and I can feel the smile in Mother India’s heart- for a change her children are getting the right type of attention!

Though I am no where close to even holding a tennis racket or a baton to wave; the feeling is similar when my parents proudly show off the little achievements I have in my account to all and sundry. A tad embarrassed nevertheless happy it is so amusing to hear talk like “My daughter went abroad on work and got me these shoes”, “She took me for my medical check in her whirl wind tour”, “She sent me tickets for coming over”

After years of staying away even a little walk down the familiar roads are enough to speak volumes on how proud they are of their prized possessions – their children. There is a different sparkle in their eyes and an extra confidence in the otherwise careful step. Right from the watch man to the familiar grocery fellow, there is only one thing conveyed – Look my child is home! It almost feels like they are carrying their hard earned gold cup of life in their hand.

Yet I don’t think I deserve all the praise & attention. Finally it is with outsiders that I leave the responsibility of taking care of the ones who treat me like gold. Just like my neighbour’s tell me “Take care of my old mother she is all alone” I say the same words to people who are total strangers to me. Personal achievements, career progression, expensive holidays, really have no meaning at that point when you leave them for whom you are the world. At that moment I feel worse than bronze internally.

Being in the invisible mode

2008-12-12T10:58:00.000+05:30

A new feature on Orkut of being able to chat with all your contacts has been driving me to take cover under the “being invisible” mode. Much to my dislike, I am still being invisible as the thought of being available to the 200 odd contacts on the site sends me shudders. What will I chat with people I have hardly met? It is ok to share an occasional not with each other but talk to unknown people everyday? Oops! not my piece of cake, surely. For once I am happy to let the cake go!

Getting in to the mould of being unseen has its own share of excitement and disappointments too. It is interesting to see a lot of contacts coming on line, who cannot see that I am also present. Some kind of ego-booster I must say. It fuels a supreme pleasure of giving me the power of talking to them at my will. I just need to ping them and a conversation can happen. Unless I initiate it, they cannot reach out.

At the same time it is also a little sad that no one reaches out to me with a friendly “Hi” no matter what the time of the day is. I could display my mood for the day with a fitting status message. No need to call anyone and tell I am feeling under the weather. The status message did it all. Conversations were triggered by the status message alone and some of the most interesting talk would ensue.

Amidst all this new experience of being unseen, I also ponder what does God experiences all the time. The one always in invisible mode. He is of course visible to me in the form I trust is God. Yet for the millions who just believe that “HE is up there and is watching it all”, I wonder what HE undergoes!

Just like I am hoping some of my regular contacts will look for me and say “Hi”, will the creator not be yearning for HIS creations to look inside and say “Hi”. "I am here for you always", HE thinks but are we aware? All HE sees is his little children mindlessly fighting over “mine” & “thine”. Religion which was just created so that man gets closer to God has itself become a battle ground taking God out of religion entirely and leaving just a bitter after taste.

Through the various mediums, channels (not TV channels please), guru’s masters HE is trying to convey to all “Please look inside; there is none outside for whom you are fighting”. Yet we turn a blind eye to all of this and are busy looking elsewhere.

All I can urge to HIM is to please come out of the Invisible mode and take charge. Teach everyone that we have come here to learn to love and not loathe. Shout aloud that all religions are creation of Man himself, there is not one higher or lower. Stop the mindless actions and reactions. We your children have failed terribly in the test you have given. Please come and take us on the right path and help us pass at the next chance.

Long time no see..

2008-09-30T18:07:00.000+05:30

It is really so wonderful to be seeing you after such a long time! Aah I know feels good to be looking eye to eye, heart to heart after a long time. What to do? These everyday hassles of life hardly leave any time for the things that really matter to “us”. The worldly commitments, rate race is really killing, first for earning and then running to spending all the money to show that life is very “happening” and a host of other things leave hardly or no time for meeting you.

I do think often how far apart we are going. I yearn for that quality time with you where no one exists but you and me. It is only in these silences that I feel deeply connected to you. I don’t have any words to talk to you, yet there is so much that is conveyed in these silences. The sheer joy of existence, the celebration of “being” in life, that silent acknowledgement that we exist for the same purpose and so many unsaid things. I miss all that dearly.

Sometimes I do wonder how much I have grown up in life. Those dreams we had as children are now coming true. None of this would have been possible but for your stoic support. Trust me! Deep within it was you who gave me the conviction that with patience and faith we would achieve a lot in life. I know I should have acknowledged this long back but I was so busy “looking good” for the other people in my life that I always took you for granted.

I could see in your eyes the hurt you have undergone whenever I underwent pain in any relationships, disappointment with life or anything at all that made me sad. Like a fool, I made sure I quickly looked away to avoid acknowledging my pain. I was afraid that you would know my deepest feelings / fears. If only I took you as my friend I would have been so comforted by your presence rather than being threatened.

I am really thankful for this day and time which forced me to stay indoors and meet you. In the normal course I would have been busy staring at the monitor, but I am glad for the rains which are pouring their heart out. I could stare at the mirror and pour my heart out to you! I am indeed meeting myself after a long time…

To be childish or childlike?

2008-08-08T23:43:00.000+05:30

The joyous face of a child I saw from the car window remains afresh after days. The face of a little girl asking for alms albeit with the twinkle in her eyes.. The fact that she was out there on the roads day in and day out doing the same thing, did not take away the shine in her eyes. No matter 9 out 10 people did not bother to look at her, not even rolled their windows down. She was at the “job” with equal enthusiasm for the next vehicle that stopped. Unforgettable. Unmatched renewal of faith.

May be that is what people mean when they say we all have a inner child and it is up to us to keep it alive. The quality of being joyous for no reason. It is our basic nature to be in a state of happiness, WITHOUT a rationale. Unfortunately we have surrendered to such a morose life that we need a reason to even smile!

On the other hand we have no qualms of adapting to childish behaviour like refusing to talk to someone after a fight, crying over someone else taking our toys (read materialistic possessions) , insecure if someone gets close to “my” people and ofcourse my favourite observation “since we are not talking now, return my toys” :) type of a thing.

A friend of mine often says that if we have an argument with someone it is just as good as someone showing us a mirror. We may be initially upset over how we look in the mirror but as an adult it is prudent that we accept the fact and move ahead on a corrective path. More and more we do behave like a child screaming on seeing his own face in the mirror and refusing to look at it anymore. Funny eh?

I do hope I am more in touch with my inner child and be childlike but be an adult where required and not adhere to childish patterns. On the lighter side I need this self-encouragement to get myself to call my inner circle of people who never bother to find if I am still alive nor return my umpteen calls. The renewed enthusiasm of the girl on the road is my motivation on not giving up!

The moment it all changed

2008-07-02T14:30:00.000+05:30

History is created, stories are written, dependencies change statistics; all based on what happened at “that moment” If you look at the major turning point in your life or any new occurrences in the world most of them are an effect of one instant.

It is that one moment which changes adoring to abhorring, love to lust, winning to losing, respect to dishonour, trust to betrayal. I suppose most of the transitions I have mentioned are not a very pleasant change. Think about it; don’t these changes affect us most? The way you look at life and what it has to offer to us changes when we are negatively impacted most. Positive changes though more than welcome seldom leave any learning for us. We are too busy basking in its glory! Like I read in a book “There is no bigger failure than success”, precisely so, because success fails to teach us anything.

That said; let me confess that I too yearn to win just like you probably. Yet it is inspiring to see how much that one moment of negativity impacts us. How we resolve to achieve what we set out to. At this moment I recall the face of a child left behind in a race. Wiping the flowing nose and overflowing tears, taking on with a fresh resolve and not giving up till the race is won. Fighting to finish and to win!

It is my failure to win over my fat that keeps me going on the war again & again. Thanks to this by now I have the best kept secrets of losing weight and changed my life style inside out. Not that I have yet won the war but every time I fail, there is a resolve to fight harder which keeps me going. The resolve gets stronger based on the feeling of “that moment” of failing up to your goal

While I was writing this blog a friend of mine passed me the speech of J. K Rowling’s address to the passing students of Harvard As luck may have it the topic was “The Fringe benefits of failing” (is it co-incidence?). I would love to quote a line from her impacting talk which goes “You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something,unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.”

The sweetness of parting

2008-06-19T09:33:00.000+05:30

It is a common scene in the various social or official circles. Someone is leaving your office, locality, home for better prospects (or otherwise!) and there is this sudden demand for that person. Words of praise flow in which have been absent for so many years of togetherness. Gifts are exchanged or given; contact addresses are exchanged (no matter the next moment it is not to be found) and invariably there is an unknown, unheard of sentiment which chokes many a throat and in some overflowing–with-emotion cases wets many a shoulder.

I always wonder where all these are hidden when the person is physically present in our life. Why do we mask our feelings or worse why display something which is not exactly what we feel? If it is the second case it is a total hypocritical display and less said the better but what really intrigues me is the first case.

Is it that we expect people to be always available at our beck and call and hence think they have a permanent availability for us? It is like the chair or sofa in our houses which is always available for you to sit once you enter the room. We never realize the importance of the same till it is not available one day or someone else is occupying it. I am not saying that we need to garland the seat but yes acknowledge and be thankful for it being available to you is something which we can do on a regular basis. We do not need to wait for it’s disappearance to know the importance. Ditto for the people in our lives J

It was not until I moved from Mumbai (still Bombay for me) that I realized the importance of a regular sweeper, maid, and person taking clothes for ironing (dhobi). I took their presence so much for granted and believed they would be there for eternity till I landed at Chennai. Of course the absence (or periodical presence) of all these facilities has made me more self reliant but I do think I could have shown more gratitude to my folks (when you are in a nuclear family these people really become “your folks”) back home.

When dear ones leave this world, there is a sea change of feeling than when they were alive. Sometimes it takes the death of a wife to make the husband realize the importance of a clean house and round-the-clock kitchen service. I wonder what is the point in holding yearly ceremonies or death anniversaries for the husband when there was no loving word spoken by the wife except “Food is ready” types of cold statements while he was alive. Many people argue that “true feeling is inside the heart” but can someone peek in to your heart and see your feeling. “It’s only words and words are all I have ...” goes the song and it is so true I think.

So I shall not wait for clogged networks to do us apart. I am telling each one of you reading this. I love and respect your presence in my life and the difference you have made to my being.

The cozy comfort zone!

2008-06-05T10:36:00.000+05:30

I had a colleague who was so used to the comfort of traveling in crowded trains and buses (pun intended) that he found the idea of a car drive unnerving! Such was his comfort level in the crammed modes of transportation that the idea of spending time all by himself in a less crowded car was totally unpalatable. Aah! The cozy comfort zone!!!

Set patterns of reactions (or inactions!) gets me thinking of the sense of security we derive by conforming to the same behavioural mould we have got ourselves in to. We as human beings simply love to recreate old stories again and again and refuse to think of creating a new history so very often.

For seven long years (yes in IT 7 years is long) I worked in a company because of the known work, good friends comfort of being “one” with the system. All along totally oblivious on how I was lagging in terms of monetary benefits or lagging on technology advancements It was not until I changed jobs (only because the company shut doors!) that I realized the huge ugly gap which was staring at me. I am not advocating leaving a job frequently but to get in to a cozy corner and not venture out will definitely get us to the situation of asking “Who the hell moved my cheese?”

There are comfort zones in most area of life: the escapist route from troubled situations, not working towards enhancing dormant relationships, dragging one to work for the comfort of a bank balance no matter the work no more inspires us. Ofcourse not forgetting the never to be returned messages, or missed calls to avoid all the people who confront us, the ignored chat messages to name a few “modern” comfort zones

To achieve better than the best we need to get out of our established patterns and adapt to new ones. To reach new heights we need to strengthen our wings. It needs the grit of a differently abled person who inspite of falling umpteen times huddles back in to his feet and makes it up in the race no matter what the past had done to him. Such behaviours just add fuel to a false sense of security which we cling on to like dear life. Escaping from our true potential is a huge speed breaker in our own progress as a human being.

Insights during insane driving

2008-04-30T11:53:00.001+05:30

Firstly I thank my stars and fellow drivers on the road that I am still alive to write my experiences of insane driving in India.

I have learnt a lot of things most of them coming from inner voice and some due to the outer noise. Nevertheless it has been interesting and I would love to share them with you all my fellow sufferers (in Hindi HUM SAFAR) of this bumpy yet interesting drive of life.

So put on your driving belts and here we go…

Tip no 1: Live in the present

Looking too hard at the road ahead or often looking at the rear view mirror may often catch you unawares by a small obstacle near by (read pedestrians, bikes, bicycles). This translates to us seeing the distant future with a telescope or reliving the past so much that we do not enjoy the present moment.
Use mirrors (soul searching?) only to detect mistakes made in the past to avoid them again.

Tip no 2: Be a good follower to be a good leader

Very often we are either irritated by the idiosyncrasies of the driver in front of us, or sometimes we do get a fantastic lead whom we can blindly follow with the twists and turns. In either case there is a good learning, not to be a crazy leader whom no one can go behind nor be enamoured by some one who is awesome that you lose your own identity. While it is definitely a plus to be a good leader, blindly following someone may have it’s undesired results too.

All along though, it would be nice to give signals if you are changing tracks. If you have someone behind you absolutely dependent on your moves it may be give a signal saying “Hey I want to take a different lane, mind you!”

Tip no 3: Have achievable goals and space them well.

Not everyone can drive comfortably at 140 km per hour. The key is to find what you are comfortable with and operate from that point of course enhancing when you can.

People will always be richer, more successful, and more beautiful than what we are. If we just keep comparing, life would be such an endless sob story. See where you are today and just analyze what can be achievable. For e.g. I cannot make it to the Forbes magazine of richest people in the world for sure, I am happy I could see the building where Forbes is located in New York !

An interesting observation here is to space goals with the right time in between. Make it too short and you may miss the next one and if too long smaller problems may start filling in taking your eyes off the next big goal. This comes from keeping a safe distance between the vehicles in front, if too spaced you may have smaller vehicles filling in the gap making the maneuvering difficult and if too little you may hit the guy in front.

Tip no 4: Honk if you like, but nobody is hearing.

If you become aware of the amount of honking that happens in any place in India, it is astounding how people manage to drive at all! The end result is that no one cares for horns anymore it is an accepted process (& more often justified as necessary) in driving which does not move anyone anywhere.

So for all the “silent spectators” who have moved mountains by just a word and all the eternal talkers, cribbers who don’t get their way ever, did you get it? Talk only when needed and you shall make a difference (hopefully positive!). Listening is stopped automatically with an overflow of words anyways, then why waste energy and lose the hard earned respect?

Tip no 5: Follow the right path and reach the highways safely

All along the road there will be bigger vehicles and better ones who may zip all over you and take the wrong road to get ahead. It may necessarily not be right and safe too.

Do not get intimidated. People may be better off but do you know what path they followed? Listen to your conscience and keep yourself on the right lane, though the by ways of life may seem difficult, when you reach the highways you will thank your stars you made it right.

Lastly

Tip no 6: Remember Big Brother is watching

No matter how big or small each vehicle is on an average most do make it to their destinations safely. Reason? Every one is a special creation and is looked over by Big Brother. Do not underestimate yourself. You are special. Follow the general rules laid down and you shall be respected for what you are and can reach your destination safely.

God bless and drive safely J

No choice over choice

2008-02-29T14:21:00.000+05:30

This morning was a great relief when I opened the cupboard to select clothes for the day: reason, I had jettisoned many of the clothes yesterday which left me with very less choice. Having a wide range of choice is supposed to be a sign of prosperity but for the many I know including your's truly it is a sign of complex mental exercise with the end result not always desirable!

I recall quiet times spent in a little English village which had hourly fixed timings for trains and buses and life was so peaceful and predictable. There were no hassles of boarding the 9:02 am train or the 9:07 am train. With no alternatives in hand everything fell in place :-)

When I see parents today pampering their children with so many choices be it food, clothes, games and they in turn being so firm in their own right I feel funny. Having " Bournvita" for one day would mean inviting hell in the house because "Milo" is not available. Going for shopping or eating out or cooking at home or simply anything has such a varied choice that it is not surprising that people prefer to settle for good old "Vanilla" flavour in everything.

There was a time when there would be just on channel on television or radio and people enjoying every moment of it. Today we have a zillion choices on any entertainment medium and most of the time people are just flicking buttons to find something worthwhile. Quantity has definitely gone up but at the irreplaceable cost of quality.

On the other hand I also wonder if we are creating a future generation with very low acceptance levels in all walks of life. With the dwindling level of patience with "others choices", it is no wonder we have more broken homes fueling the construction companies to build more houses, alas not homes. :-(

Finding the right balance!

2008-02-14T14:58:00.000+05:30

It took a swiss ball in the gymnasium to teach me one of the greatest truths of life..It is all about finding the right balance and then enjoying the game. After struggling initially for couple of times for the right equilibrium, once I got it the rest of the exercises were sheer joy, ofcourse entwined with pain :)

Reflecting on this philosophy I realized all the past 12 years or more I have spent in pumping time for career and little or no time to other aspects of life like fitness or even simple things like taking a walk in the sun, totally a lop sided balance.

Now for some time that I am the master of my time and not the time sheets at office or the client's mercy, I realize there is so much joy to simple things in life. Being able to give more than 2 hours for fitness seems to be a dream in the corporate world, now that I am able to do it it is a dream come true. Yet, it is a lop sided balance with the financial and career aspect needing attention. By god's grace I belong to the fairer sex with the not-so fairer one ready to take the responsibility of nurturing me for this period.

The childhood art basics of bicycling teaches one to balance but I wonder how many of us are really able to balance all our interests / needs in life. If you too wish to take time to smell the flowers, learn that guitar calling you for years, spend time with your pets / plants, breathe in the fresh air (wherever available) and yet not loose on the material world may you find the right balance! Life then will truly be a game each one of us will cherish.

Greener pastures beckon?

2007-12-28T15:53:00.000+05:30

Last couple of weeks have been a wonderful insight on how we as human beings always reach out to something not native to us.

I happened to be at a "annual ball" of one of the defence services recently and saw many ladies dressed in the "best of the west" attire and dancing away to the latest hip hop numbers. As always I came back amazed at the way our Indian women have adapted to the west.

Dramatically opposite has been the sight at the many music concerts happening at full glory at Chennai in December. Invariably there would be a bunch of non-Indians dressed in the "best of India" listening intently to the raaga alapana or clapping enthusiastically to a good Bharatnatyam piece.

The sight of Kalakshetra the college dedicated to fine arts was the icing on the cake though!
At a Bharatnatyam recital all the front rows were occupied by non-Indians who are either pursuing some form of Indian art or just plain admirers of it. It was heartening as well as a tad shameful to be seated next to a young lady from abroad who knew all the mudras of the dance being performed and also the meaning of the song.

Seeing all the non-Indian ladies dressed in the finest of salwar kameez or a saree along with jasmine flowers in the hair really set my heart aglow with the pride of being an Indian, but the memory of the Indian mom's letting their hair down at the ball quickly brought me back to reality!

The growing disparity

2007-11-27T13:01:00.000+05:30

A recent article by Shashi Tharoor on the growing disparity in India has set me thinking on how we can bridge this gap. Mr. Tharoor talks of India being a land of paradoxes and there is a lot of truth in his observation.

When I look at new railway tracks of the MRT at Chennai, it feels good to see progress..at the same time when you look down from the train, it is so heartening to see swamps of water and hutments all around the dirty water. Ironical as it may seem, the growth of the overhead rail (for the people who can afford) is really at the cost of the people down below living in such conditions.

On the other hand, no matter how accommodating you appear to the people below the poverty line they mostly seem to get the better of you. I listen to my maid's many excuses for not coming to work on a regular basis only to see her happily taking advantage of the time off. Regular "extraas" like grains / clothes given out of compassion soon appear in the " should have" list and I wonder whether the other name for charity is compulsion these days! I left a cabbie with a trust that he would come home and hand over the change (almost Rs. 80) and it has been more than 2 months and I am still waiting :)

Another paradox is about our construction companies, we boast of "world class" construction. We also proudly say that we develop nations other than India. A close look at the construction of the MRT stations at Chennai is enough to shake all that you have heard / read. I shudder to think that it took close to 35 years if not more to build these stations! If this is the quality after all the years of work..I wonder how the Japanese built the worlds highest railway track and stations at freezing temperatures at Switzerland without the least trace of the effort. World class indeed!

All in all we seem to be in a real muddle of things right now and though we seem to be progressing to great heights..according to me the reverse is also true..we are exponentially progressing to scary depths of poverty too.